If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
