I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
