If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
