So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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