Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
