So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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