sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
