Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
no, he came in my armpit
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
