Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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