i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
