So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
