I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
