i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
