Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
