kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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