I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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