This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
