Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
