one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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