My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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