I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
