Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
