He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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