i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
