so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
