I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I deserve this hangover.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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