I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
