booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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