When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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