Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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