...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
