Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
