What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just pee around me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
