we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
