Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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