We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
