I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
