K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
