i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
