well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
