Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
