I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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