Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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