we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize