I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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