I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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