there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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