What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
