I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
