I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
