My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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