you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
