He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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