Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
