just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
