Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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