i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
