I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
