My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your cock deserves a montage
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
