I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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