Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
