Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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