Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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