We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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