She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
