I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
