If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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