so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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