the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
