i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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