Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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