Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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