My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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