I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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