Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
