You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
