I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize