I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
