Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
