Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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