yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
