Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
After last night, I could never be a politician.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
