I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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