Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
