i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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