She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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