I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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