margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
