I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He passed out mid-signature
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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