Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
