True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
