This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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